With diabetes, I have to constantly be monitoring my blood sugar. I prick my fingers and check my levels at least 10 times a day. I have to give myself an injection of insulin into my thigh or abdomen before I eat anything bigger than a small snack and also before I go to bed at night. And before I give myself those injections before meals, I have to count exactly how many carbs I am about to ingest so I know how much insulin to give myself.
I also constantly have to have my little black pack that carries all of my supplies for doing this diabetes stuff near me at all times. I also always have to have some sort of a simple sugar (glucose tabs, a juice box, or fruit snacks) and real food (basically anything that comes in those little 100 calorie packs) near me at all times just in case my blood sugar begins to crash.
The best way for me to carry all of this stuff with me when I am away from home is in my Under Amour drawstring bag. Ever since I was diagnosed, that bag hasn't left my shoulders. I feel naked without it. It's a part of me now. I feel vulnerable without it. I feel like a dog without its collar when I don't have my bag with me.
A time when I need this bag with me more than any other time is when I'm exercising. For diabetics, and for anyone really, physical exercise lowers your blood sugar level. The more rigorous the activity, the quicker it drops. I have had diabetes for about four months now and I still haven't fully figured out how to effectively and confidently workout with the disease.
My doctor tells me to eat something to get my blood sugar into about the 160s before I begin exercising (normal blood sugar levels are between 70-120), but often times, I'm not that hungry to begin with, so having to sometimes force myself to eat food just to go workout isn't the greatest thing ever. Now you may be thinking, "Eric, why don't you just take a few swigs of Gatorade beforehand rather than eating food? Sports drinks have carbs in them." Yes, they do have carbs in them, but there's no fat in Gatorade, so it doesn't stay in my system long enough for it to keep my blood sugar stable, even if I weren't working out.
With all of that running through my mind whenever I feel like working out or whenever I have an intramural volleyball game, exercising has been an intimidating thing for me the past four months. I haven't hit the gym since my diagnosis. I have played my volleyball games with success in terms of keeping my blood sugar stable, but even so, I find myself relying on eating more food than my stomach wants to in order to make things work.
Recently though, I had a breakthrough. Turns out I had been taking too much of my night-time insulin compared to how much extra exercise I was getting at school from walking to all of my classes and from walking up four flights of stairs to my dorm room 5-10 times a day. All of this extra exercise compared to what I was getting at home during the summer was making my blood sugar drop super fast. I was getting low a lot and things just weren't ideal. I now take less of that insulin now though and so now my blood sugar doesn't drop as quickly as it used to, which means I don't have to snack as much in between meals to keep my levels up, which then makes the idea of working out seem a little more realistic.
My Uncle Bill also helped me out too. Over my fall break last weekend, we were hanging out at my house one of the nights. We started discussing how working out has become such a daunting task for me now. Well thanks to good, old Google, my uncle found this special type of shake made just for diabetics. The shake has about 25 carbs in it, which is the perfect amount to keep my blood sugar up for a workout, and the shake has fat and protein in it, which makes it last in my system longer, keeping my blood sugar stable for longer, which is, once again, perfect for working out. Also, the shake is, of course, a drink, and it's only 8 ounces, so it's not very filling at all. So once the discovery of this shake was made, my mom picked some up from the grocery store and before I knew it, I was taking about a dozen and a half diabetic shakes with me back to school.
Finding these shakes energized me. They offered me hope. I had gone 18+ years of my life not having to even worry a second about working out or anything related to my blood sugar. I had had so much that I had taken for granted in my life stripped away from me. These shakes suddenly gave me hope of possibly gaining back a sliver of the independence I used to have. I decided last weekend that I am going to become more disciplined and committed to working out and getting exercise. I was just getting too dang tired of being afraid, and these shakes gave me a reason not to be anymore.
Going back to school earlier this week, I was looking for an opportunity to go workout; to go see what these shakes could do for me. I found that first opportunity on Tuesday. I put on a pair of mesh athletic shorts, laced my gym shoes, grabbed a shake and my bag, and started walking to the Rec Center just down the street from my dorm hall.
As I walked down the street, I downed the shake like it was it was liquid gold. It certainly was no gourmet milkshake, but it tasted fine for what it's supposed to be.
Now as I neared the gym, I couldn't stop thinking about the previous run-ins I had had with the employees of the Rec Center when I would go to the gymnasium for my intramural volleyball games. You see, the Rec Center has a "No Bag Policy." The thing is though... I need my bag. My Under Armour bag is my lifeline. Yeah sure, I could carry around my little black pack and food wrapped in my arms like I was carrying a baby, but that's just plain ridiculous. That's like walking up to someone on campus and telling them they aren't allowed to use backpacks anymore and that they have to carry all of their books in their arms. Not happening.
Now, everyone is allowed to bring bags into the facility, but they expect you to use lockers to store your things while you exercise.
But I fight the rule.
Every time I have wished to go to the Rec Center to play volleyball, I have had to ask the attendant by the door of the gym if I can bring my bag in. When they tell me no like they're supposed to, I have to put them in a hard situation. I tell them that I have diabetes and that I need my bag with me.
I've gotten mixed responses from the attendants there. Some of them don't say another word and let me by with my bag. They understand that I need my bag and don't make a fuss. Others have reacted differently. One guy once said to me, "Well can't you just carry all of your food and stuff in there with you?" I told him, "Well yeah of course I could, but that's annoying." He let me by, but I had to work for it. All of that in itself IS ANNOYING.
So with those scenarios replaying in my mind over and over again as I entered the Rec Center, I started to have anxiety. First, I had only ever been to the gymnasium of the place, never the weight room where I was headed to now. I wasn't sure if there would be a "No Bag Policy" or not for the weight room. Second, I hate the confrontation and it's the last thing I want to run into now.
I found the staircase that led to the weight room. I reached the second floor, walked into the weight room, and right there in my face was a big sign on an easel that listed off a bunch of things that weren't allowed in the weight room and the list included bags.
Dang it. Here we go again.
I walked over to the lady sitting behind the desk and went through the whole routine again. I asked her if I could have my bag with me. She said no and I explained once again that I have diabetes and need my bag for all of the reasons that I have explained in this long blog post. The lady gave me what I define as a negative reaction. She told me, "Well you're not supposed to, but you can leave the bag on the table behind me." Okay. Success. But still, I was angry. I was angry that I had to take the time to explain all of that again and I was angry from the response I had just gotten. Yeah sure, she was just doing her job and she did let me keep my bag in the gym, but I was mad at what she had told me. "Don't tell me I'm not supposed to have my bag," I thought. "I have diabetes! I need my bag! This isn't me being lazy and not wanting to put my bag in a locker. I ACTUALLY need my bag and my life ACTUALLY depends on it."
I worked out for about 45 minutes in the weight room. It was amazing. It felt so good to go for a jog, to lift some weights, to actually break a sweat for once! I felt good.
Despite my successful workout, I was still fed up with the Rec Center and their "No Bag Policy," so I took some action. I quickly got into contact with the director of the Rec Center and explained him my frustration via email. I asked him at the end of it if he could help me so I wouldn't have to keep explaining myself to the workers at the Rec Center every time I want to use their facilities. The director got back to me in just over an hour. His response made my eyes light up like never before. He told me he had written a note for me that would excuse me from the "No Bag Policy" rule and that I would need to pick up the note from his mail box. He also told me that a copy of the note would be placed at every entry to the facilities of the Rec Center and that this should solve the issue.
Yes.
Receiving that email probably gave me more of a surge of hope than finding those shakes did. Hope and relief. That's what I felt. It filled me with joy for the rest of the day.
I received that email late Tuesday afternoon. It's now early Friday morning. I haven't had time to workout again yet, but I can't wait for the next opportunity I get.
I'm sure my bag can't wait either.
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